I spent some time yesterday with our high school students talking about dating.  It’s part of our three week series titled ‘Real Love’.  After thoroughly beating the dating horse to death I came to the conclusion that most parents do a great job with telling their kids not to have physical relationships.  I think the problem we often find is that we often forget to talk about avoiding the things or people that set you up for failure with respect to your purity.  You know stuff like having strings attached at month two of your relationship…which leads to unwarranted pressure …and finally to the phrase “if you love me you will _____”.  You get the point.   It seems to me that we the church and more specifically the student ministry have been doing this all wrong.  Don’t get me wrong we should preach that which is Biblical (abstaining from a physical relationship prior to marriage).  Most kids get that physical stuff should wait until you are married.  I think we should look at equipping students with scriptures to help them avoid being with a person or getting into a situation that might challenge them at something above their level.

As a father I wouldn’t dare give my 5 year old the keys to the car…why because of the obvious…she isn’t ready.  Oh sure I can tell here not to drive the car, but doesn’t it make more sense to put the keys away or out of reach.  I mean I know my daughter respects me but I have to take it step further and keep her from going down a road that could end up hurting her.  What if I just left the keys on the table…and allowed to her to play with them?  Wouldn’t that send mixed messages?

Spent some time looking at Song of Solomon 1:1-3 talking about how his name and more so his reputation were more important than just his looks.  Imagine that, character and spirituality  had a higher  value than physical beauty.   I think we have been lulled into sleep as parents and as a culture allowing physical attraction to drive the core of our relationships.  What if we flipped that over…what if we started telling our kids to look at character and spirituality first?  There is nothing wrong with attraction…it’s desirable and permissible….but also highly dangerous as the basis of any relationship.  I know…you’re saying what about the weekend warriors?…they stay active…and seem to hold on to their ‘youthful’ looks.  Yeah but it’s only a matter of time before all they have is their character and relationship with God.

Bottom line…keep the billboards telling kids not to get physical, but let’s add some smaller signs…in fact let’s add  more smaller signs that help them avoid bad relationships all together.  Let’s affirm them in who they are in Christ…let’s affirm our young women and men.